


My Sweet Lord

by deansdamnation



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Blind Dean, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 05:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7878349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansdamnation/pseuds/deansdamnation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an accident Dean loses his sight, but Castiel comes to help him work through it</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

My Sweet Lord  
-1-  
Sam and I had been hunting a network of shapeshifters In a small town located in Minnesota. We killed most of them in a raid, but three escaped into an abandon factory. We followed them in, armed with silver bullets. Sam went down the first hallway on the right and I kept going straight, ready to turn back if I heard Sam needed help. I held my flashlight in one hand and my gun in the other looking for any movement or activity. I felt my foot get caught in something and I looked only to see that I walked right into a fucking trip wire. I heard a click my ear and I turned to it. Before I knew I heard an explosion and I was on the ground. My ears were ringing and my face felt like it was on fire. As I came too, I reached up and touched my face. It was wet with blood, or my hands were...I couldn't really tell which. I couldn't really feel much in that moment, which I suppose was a good thing. I lost my flashlight and couldn't see anything. I heard gunshots in the distance and hoped to God my little brother was alright. I felt the ground beside me to try and find the flashlight. Damn my head was really killing me. I heard footsteps approaching me and I thought it was Sam.   
"Sam?' I called out, but the only response I got was laughter. Definitely not Sam. I couldn't see anything or make out a shape so I just pointed my gun at the nose and shot at it. I heard a thud after a couple of shots and was pretty sure I hit it. I tried standing up after that, but I just collapsed onto the floor, unconscious.   
The next time I woke up I heard my brothers voice telling me I was going to be okay. I was pretty sure I was laying in the back of the impala. I couldn't see anything, but before I could process that or communicate that with Sam, I was out again.  
The next thing I heard was a sound of a heart monitor. My whole body hurt. I opened my eyes, but I couldn't see anything. I reached my hands up to my face to find that there was gauze wrapped around my head and eyes. So that's why I couldn't see.   
The next thing I heard was my brother and I felt his hand reach out to hold mine. I could tell by the way he held my hand and the weariness in his voice that something was pretty damn wrong.   
"Thank God you're okay Dean." Sam sounded relieved.  
"Sammy what's going? what happened?" My throat was dry and I could taste blood on the inside of my mouth. Pain started to surface from my chest up. It felt like things tore through my body.  
"Wh-when we were in the warehouse...um a sh-shifter rigged up an explosion and it was filled with shrapnel..." Sam voice started to crack. The doctors told him that Dean had a concussion, lodge pieces of shrapnel inside of him that they had to dig out and that he suffered a lot of damage to his eyes and would be unlikely that Dean would be able to see.  
"Sammy tell me what's wrong? What got you so upset? I'm gonna be okay right?" I started to get a little worried. What if something was actually wrong with me? My heart started to pound faster and it filled my ears.  
Sam took a deep breath and squeezed my hand, I thought he was going to tell me I got like four months to live or something, but it turns out it was actually worse.   
"Dean, um the doctors said..." Here it comes, I ain't going to make it. "They said your eyes suffered a lot of damage....they don't think you're gonna be able to see anymore..." Sam now had tears running down his face. It was one of the hardest things for him to ever have to tell me. He knew this was going to be really hard for me. I mean now I couldn't do anything I loved. Without my sight I can't hunt or drive my car and who the hell wants to date a blind guy?   
"You gotta be fucking kidding me? Sam-" I now felt burning tears pouring out onto my face and being absorbed by the gauze around my eyes. How the hell am I supposed to protect my brother or myself? I'm going to be fucking useless.   
“It's going to be okay, Dean. I'm going to help you through this. It'll be okay, I promise.” Sam reassured me and squeezed my hand a little. I took a shaky breath hoping this was just a dream. I had no idea what to do next or what to say. I just began to sob feeling so overwhelmed. I tried to stopped, but it was uncontrollable. Everything in my life began to feel like it was uncontrollable. Sam hugged me and kept saying it was going to be alright, that we would figure it out. I just cried into his chest not believing a word he said.


	2. -2-

-2- 

I didn't really do a lot of talking those days. I just sat and thought about everything and what I was going to do next. Sam tried to help and keep a positive attitude, but that just pissed me off. I knew I was hurting him and I that he was just trying to help, but he didn't understand. No one did. I kept having dreams about that night and I would think I didn't lose my sight, but then I would wake up not being able to see. Every time I woke up, it was just another let down. Every damn time. I was tired all the time too. I had no idea when it was night, or day. I just knew I wanted this to be a dream, all of it. I didn't even know if the nurses were hot or not. At least, Sam got me edible food. All this place had was a bunch of dog shit they called food.   
When the nurse said I could go home they wanted me to take a damn wheelchair out of the hospital. We had a fight about it and they explained that it was policy and I told her I was blind not a damn cripple and they can take their policy and shove it up where the sun doesn't shine. I actually didn't really care about the wheelchair, I was just angry at everything and wanted some damn control over my life for once. They eventually just let me walk out. I still couldn't walk on my own though. I had to have Sam guide me out of the hospital. Sam talked about getting a guide dog, but I really didn't want to have to take care of something when I couldn't even take care of myself.   
The ride home wasn't very pleasant for me. I realized that I would never be able to drive the impala again. I wouldn't be able to drive my brother on long trips anymore. Damn, I was going to miss the beautiful fucking scenes we saw when we were driving. I tried not to cry, I find that to be a constant battle lately. Sam turned on the radio and guess what fucking song was on, My Sweet Lord by George Harrison.   
“I really want to see you, Really want to see you…” That is as far as the song got before Sam quickly turned it off.   
“Oh Dean I'm sorry-” Sam said looking at me nervously. I just stared at dashboard in front of my not saying anything. I think it was a little too soon to be listening to that song.   
Sam didn't turn the radio on again that trip. He drove us to the hotel motel and lead me into the room. I found the bed and layed down on it. That damn George Harrison song was stuck in my head. I mean of course it was,  
“We can look for an apartment later.” Sam said hesitantly. He was afraid I was going to snap at him again, I would be too. I wasn't exactly the friendliest person to be around.  
“Don't matter to me. Not like I'm gonna to tell where we are living.” I said closing my eyes. I didn't hear a response back from Sam, but I did hear him get his computer out. I heard him clicking on his keyboard which reminded me of another thing I wouldn't be able to do. I won't be able to watch porn anymore. Fucking great. I just decided to sleep before I was able to think of something else I won't be able to do anymore.   
At least in my dreams I could see what was going on. However, that usually resulted in more pain and panic when I woke up. I just couldn't win at anything. I kept waking Sam up in the middle of the night with my nightmares. He always calmed me down and never complained about it. I probably would have chewed him out if he started complaining to me about his problems. I knew that was unreasonable, but right now I didn't really care. I didn't really care about anything. I mean why should I? All my life all I did was hunting and fix my car and I can't do any of that now. I'm useless.


	3. -3-

-3-

Sam got me some sunglasses and a cane to help me walk around. I didn't like using the cane because it made me stick out and I could feel people staring at me. I didn't like it. I just stayed in the motel most of the time and listened to music. I tried making some cereal, but I just ended up making mess. I decided not to make anything that required two or more steps. I let Sam make me meals.   
While Sam was out looking for work or for apartments I just spent my time at home. There really wasn't much for me to do. When Sam was gone I just cried myself to sleep. I felt like I wasn't myself. Something was missing and I had no idea how to fill that hole. It just kept getting bigger and darker. Some days I wouldn't even get out of bed or eat or talk to Sam. I tried to take shower on my own, but ended up falling out of the shower. I just broke down then. I don't really remember much of what happened then, just that Sam forced me to go to a therapist after that. I'm pretty sure that is when I snapped and tried to kill myself or something. Whatever happened Sam went into a dark place too. I could feel that he was in that spot, but had no idea what to do. I knew I caused him to be that way and that just brought me down even more.  
Sam spent less time at home and more at work. He made sure I had meals to eat when he was gone and that was about it. I didn't like when he was gone all day because I had no idea what the time was when he was gone or when he would be back. It was just a lot of darkness and silence in my world. I wanted things to go back to normal. I didn't want to be this person that couldn't do anything, but there was nothing to be done or to be fixed. I couldn't be fixed. I thought a lot about how Sam would be better off without me. He would be. He could get a wife and have kids and wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. I honestly thought it would be better for everyone if I was gone.   
Sam was smart though. He locked up anything he thought could be dangerous to me. It made me so angry. I would stumble around like some idiot around the motel room feeling every surface of that place fifty times over looking for something I could use to hurt myself with. I only found cabinets with damn child proof locks on them. I just gave up.


End file.
